Weight Lifting

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” Unknown

The last few days have proved mighty challenging.  There is no reason to get into the details.  Let me suffice to say that some people can take a minor question and make it a major conflict.  The conflict takes on a life of it’s own.

I took recent conflict to heart far more than I usually do.  I’m dumbfounded by the series of events, which I’m now blamed for by some.  Trust me when I say, that if any stranger was made privy to said series of  events, they would just say, hunh?   I can’t imagine anyone reading hasn’t been a part of one of these conflicts, and how we resolve them or let go of them is the greatest lesson of all.

Interesting enough, some friends and family seemed to know the kind of thing I was dealing with without me even telling them.  This is what was so amazing.  I received messages and positive thoughts, advice and support from people I had not heard from in a while.  This was such a breath of fresh air.  No matter how you turned this conflict, which point of view you chose to view it from, one thing was certain.  Every other person involved had a spouse or partner to talk to at the end of the night.  They had someone to commiserate their truth with.  They all had someone to snuggle up with and say “Good night, it will be different in the light of day.”  My partner is on the other side of the planet, pained by this conflict as much as I am.  We cannot commiserate.  We cannot hold each other and say “Everything will be ok.”  We have to each carry this heavy weight individually.  We have to go to bed each night, alone, hoping the other isn’t feeling too badly. This is the hardest part.  More than my own pain, I’m most worried about his, and vice versa.

I found myself not as present as I should have been for my kids this weekend.  I was physically there…but they could tell I wasn’t ALL there.  Once I realized this, the inner strength kicked in.  Yes, I’m upset.  Yes, I’m hurt.  A couple days is long enough.  Time to get over it!

If there is one thing my husband has taught me, it is to remember how nice, loyal, generous and kind of a person I always try to be, and don’t let others try to redefine my motives, ever.  So…back to that!!!

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2 Comments

  1. Nicole said,

    May 3, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    Sometimes I find my inner conflict and perception is gripping like holding on tight to prison bars and then I realize I am the one holding on tight. I am learning to feel, to accept, to acknowledge what is, to tend to what is mine, and to leave the rest alone. AND witness others make their choices and lie blame, even blame me for the choices they make and the more I remain anchored within myself, choose love, and create my own happiness, the more I feel the depth of sorrow, or pain for the moment, the more the light illuminates the very shadow that the light creates in the first place. I hope this makes sense. I understand. I am ear if you need me to be, yet it is you who I love for who you are pure and simple. I don’t need to know the story unless you need to express it and be witnessed. My need is to love you and that is so easy for me to do because I am love therefore I do love you. XOs


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