Just a Day

I was taught a long time ago that a date is just a day on the calendar.  You can choose to celebrate things whenever you want.  I embrace this philosophy.  Someone’s birthday can be a certain day, but whatever day we choose to celebrate it, to me, is the DAY.

I broke my own rule by obsessing on a certain date.

June 13, 2010 was the day my family was expecting an addition.  Of course, we lost this one, and we pressed on as any family would.  Little things came up through the months that were par for the course in dealing with such a thing.  I knew I was not unique.  Most people I knew had experienced this yet I found myself not wanting to talk about it.  When it first happened I was rarely comforted by the things people said.  I was told I didn’t need another child, that it was in a better place, that I was probably too old to keep having children, etc.  With understanding, I accepted all these things in stride.  I knew each person who voiced something had their heart in the right place and were just trying to make me laugh or make me feel better.

Through the last month, I’ve been a victim of marketing mistakes.  Although we removed it from any and all websites, the world of baby stuff thought we needed them.  The mailman has been dropping off formula samples and coupons, I get emails reminding me how I should be feeling, and I have been receiving all kinds of congratulatory mail from baby gear companies.   I keep breathing, dropping the formula off at a food bank and giving the aggressive free formula checks to someone I know can use them.  I keep thinking…when is this going to stop? I don’t really want to think about it, I don’t really want to deal with it, and I just want to move on.

So I decided that the not-coming baby’s due date was a perfect time to do just that.  In my mind and heart, I acknowledged all of my feelings.  I’m sad the little Peanut didn’t make it here.  I’m angry I lost my job over a pregnancy that didn’t reap the joy.  I’m frustrated that my husband can’t be here to help me move on.  I’m resentful that certain “family” was so cold about all of it.  I’m grateful for the family and friends that were so supportive.  I’m relieved, because somehow now that June 13 has come and gone… I feel like I can move on.

So yes, most dates are just a day on the calendar.  Sometimes, though, they can be used as an opportunity.

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1 Comment

  1. Alysoun said,

    June 20, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    I’m sending you a huge, long hug because these dates/markers/anniversaries are very hard. Some days it can stop you cold. I’m proud of you for making it through the day.


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